Tuesday, December 09, 2008

"I got a word what rhymes wit you"

That sentence, or its functional equivalent, was in a Tarzan book. I read them voraciously, some 30+ years ago. Good moral advice; good stories; good skepticism of motives. In this case, the person who was to be rhymed was named Bubanovitch, if memory and spelling serve.

The rhyme today comes from Illinois. Governor Blagojevich is in hot water of his own cooking.
Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich of Illinois was arrested by federal authorities on Tuesday morning and charged with corruption, including an allegation that he conspired to effectively sell President-elect Barack Obama’s seat in the United States Senate to the highest bidder.
His backup plan was to take the seat himself.
“If I don’t get what I want and I’m not satisfied with it, then I’ll just take the Senate seat myself,” the governor said in recorded conversation, prosecutors said.

A 76-page affidavit from the United States Attorney’s office in the Northern District of Illinois says Mr. Blagojevich (pronounced bluh-GOY-uh-vich) was heard on wiretaps over the last month planning to “sell or trade Illinois’ United States Senate seat vacated by Pres-elect Barack Obama for financial and personal benefits for himself and his wife.”
Greedy Bastard.

That sonovabitch Blagojevich
Had thought he’d found the perfect pitch
He thought he’d sell a precious toy
But ran into a little glitch

The Guv’ner is a naughty boy—
He puts the “ill” in Illinois
He looked for payment, ere he’d choose
A worthy person to employ

But now his tale has hit the news
And no one wants to share his shoes
It’s called a “spree”; it’s a “new low”
Blagojevich now sings the blues

He had the power to bestow
The Senate seat, so dontcha know
Blagojevich, that sonovabitch
Was holding out for quid pro quo.


Benjamin Geiger said...

You know, I think that's the first time I've ever seen chained rubaiyat verses in the wild. Impressive, even for you.

aussielurker said...

Maybe Blag’s a son-of-a-bitch
Maybe you should ditch the snitch.
Maybe it’s true he sold the niche
Of Senator (Ill) to make him rich.
Perhaps indeed he made a pitch
For pelf or place to scratch his itch.

To a limping Aussie on his crutch
Who hears “Prop 8” and “chads” and such:
The jargon, the people, are Double Dutch,
Of US affairs I don’t know much.

There is one thing, nevertheless
That I know to my distress.
Though no lawyer, I have a smatter
And I hear one legal matter,
A principle of which we chatter.
One with which we liked to batter
Departing Bush, because the latter
Ignored it blithely left and right,
And smashed the Constitution’s might.


Blag may be an angel, he may be bent,
Till proven guilty he’s innocent.

Cuttlefish said...

Aussielurker, your point is taken, and appreciated, with a minor quibble...

"is innocent" is not the same as having "the presumption of innocence", which is a legal matter. The truth is, he either did or did not do what he is accused of, so he either is innocent or is not innocent in actuality. Legally, however, he is presumed innocent, and could be found "not guilty" by a court of law.

I am not a court of law; I am grateful beyond words that we hold our courts to a higher standard than we hold bloggers. For two reasons--first, because if I (me, personally) go to court, it matters a lot more what the guy in the robe says than what the person in the back of the audience says (yes, I may be concerned about both). Secondly, because if I was held to the legal standard, a whole bunch of "allegedly"s would have mucked up my meter!

aussielurker said...

Thank you, O so noble Cuttle,
Your point is taken, also subtle.
It’s just that I had grown so weary
Of governments’ behaviour eerie:
Our ghastly Howard and your Bush
Contriving evermore to push
Their power forward, it’s no error,
Pretending it’s a war on terror;
Throwing out the legal norms
While the people’s lack of gorms
Egged them on with acclamation.

It’s far better for a nation
To stick to principles like this,
But those of us who liked to diss
Our government’s ignoring rights
Would do best to keep our sights
On cases where the rule can irk,
One rule for all alone can work.

But now to matters of this time -
As a modest tyro in rhyme
I will say “Good Festivus”
("Something for the Rest of Us")
To you and yours, your doting fans,
And hope your rhyming ever scans.
(Unlike mine, alas alack,
Being but a rhymester hack).

And so I say, from yours to mine:
A happy season, 2009!

I am no critic, nor berserker
Your admirer, Aussielurker.