Saturday, March 15, 2008

I Thought I Saw An Atheist

P-Zed reports that The Atheists Are Coming!

I thought I saw an atheist, once, walking down the street.
I checked for horns, I checked for tail, I checked for cloven feet;
Began to tremble frightfully—my heart was in my throat—
Then sighed in happy recognition, for ‘twas but a goat.

I thought I saw an atheist, down near a swollen stream
With scaly skin, and blood so cold, I couldn’t breathe to scream!
I looked into his bulging eyes, and prayed “God, grant my wish”
Then laughed in my embarrassment—it only was a fish.

I thought I saw an atheist, with fur and pointed claws,
And wicked teeth for chewing up Judeo-Christian laws,
I ran, and tripped, and fell to earth, then hid behind a log—
It caught me, though, and licked my face—of course, it was a dog.

I thought I saw an atheist, though cleverly disguised
Not giant and reptilian, but human, normal sized,
It looked to be engaging in productive, useful labor;
But no, this was no atheist—this person was my neighbor!

I thought I saw an atheist; in fact, I saw a few!
My neighbor, and the grocer, and the cop, and maybe you!
I even found some in the church, right there beneath the steeple;
It turns out, to my great surprise… that atheists are people.


Jakk said...

Charming. Truly :)

Unknown said...

Absolutely marvelous

Rana said...

You're a genius fish you make it look so easy
Though I guessed over there they call him PeeZee ?

Amanda Martin said...

you're like the shel silverstein of atheism. <3

bmcworldcitizen said...

How do you do it!!!??

Cuttlefish said...

Thank you, all of you.

Naoki, there are few comparisons I would be less flattered by!

Nice, r n b -- As you might guess, given your verse, I call him whichever rhymes. Most times.

jakk and darren--welcome!

bmcwc... I have a really spectacular muse.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Shel Silverstein! Really? That's awful. You're amazing, Cuttle.

zilch said...

Wonderful. I would guess, rather Lewis Carrol than Shel Silverstein:

"I thought I saw a banker's clerk
Descending from a bus
I looked again, and saw it was
A hippopotamus"

makita said...

Very nice Cuttlefish, I couldn't help but link!

Cuttlefish said...

Thanks, Mathew and Zilch...

Makita, you say that like it's a bad thing! Thanks for the link! That's why I post them, after all...

ScienceGirl said...

Oh wow! This is amazing!

Cath@VWXYNot? said...

This is so cool. It's going in my permanent bookmark list.

p.s. you won my limerick competition - big surprise! Congratulations!

STA said...

Well done!

Buffy said...

Stupendous and hilarious!

Adam said...

Wow very nicely done.

An American said...

Normally I have a fair bit of disdain for poetry but, "I thought I Saw An Atheist" is excellent.

I will no doubt show it to my friends.

margaret downey said...

I would like permission to reprint this poem in the Freethought Society newsletter. To whom do I obtain permission? Who is the author?

Cuttlefish said...

I am the author. Unless explicitly stated, every bit of this doggerel is mine. And yes, you have my permission.

©2008, The Digital Cuttlefish

And the blog URL, if you can. If you pay for contributions, email me and we can talk.