Monday, March 10, 2008

The Ballad of Sally Kern

Via Dispatches From the Culture Wars, a video making the rounds. Oklahoma legislator Sally Kern missed the politician's lesson about the combination of microphones and internet, and unwisely revealed her true feelings to a small gathering. If you have not seen it yet, it is worth viewing:

Sweet, isn't she, to be so concerned for us? Anyway, I wrote her a little poem. I must point out, in case she wants to try to sue me later, that the words I have put into her mouth are not hers. At least, not from this particular speech. It is poetic license, hyperbole, and a very low Godwin number.

A legislator, Sally Kern,
Was simply voicing her concern,
But Sally Kern was unaware,
Or if she knew, she did not care,
That someone had a microphone
So Sally Kern was not alone.
“Oh, I’m not anti-gay” said Sally,
To the fifty-person rally;
“But there are things you have to learn”
And who will teach us? Sally Kern.
Sally Kern, she knows the answer—
Knows how gays are like a cancer,
Knows they’re worse than terrorists
If Sally Kern can keep the lists.
So Sally Kern must raise her voice
Against unhealthy lifestyle choice;
The cost of life against God’s Word
Is clear, the people gathered heard:
Disease and death, and then you burn
In Hell, or so says Sally Kern.
Then Sally Kern, in pure effrontery,
Tells us gays will harm our country:
If we embrace these sinful ways,
Says Sally Kern, allowing gays
To join the City Council ranks
Or work in schools, or stores, or banks,
Our country would be tempting fate,
And all too soon would be too late.
Now, such a stance may seem too stern
But heed the words of Sally Kern;
If we let gays live right among us,
Soon, like mold, or creeping fungus,
Even straights will be infected—
Sally Kern wants us protected.
The path to safety is God’s Grace:
We must protect the human race.
Sally Kern just wants us purer…
Right. Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer.


Unknown said...

Out of the park with this one. Nice work.

The Ridger, FCD said...

The more disgusting the subject the better your work.

bmcworldcitizen said...

Fantastic! Would you mind if I did this as a youtube video?

bmcworldcitizen said...

With full attribution of course!!

Anonymous said...

A true work of genius.

Cuttlefish said...

Thank you, all.

bmcWC, go right ahead--it'll be a new experience for me...

bmcworldcitizen said...


Cuttlefish said...


Very nice indeed! Much better than anything I would have cobbled together. Thanks!!

bmcworldcitizen said...

My Pleasure, and or effort is getting good reviews:-)

Podblack said...

Hey - DC - the vid of this poem has become so popular that some twerp has decided to nick it off bmcWC and host it on their own YouTube account... is that a compliment or deserving of a coordinated Irish/Australian knee-capping? Let us know! ;)

Cuttlefish said...

Dunno if it is intended as compliment or what, but the viddy you link to is only 40 seconds long--and I did not click her/his followup link.

Buffy said...

Beautiful work.

Unknown said...

I have just discovered your work via TheModestAgnostic's vid of your brilliant "The Ballad of Sally Kern". And, well... thank you!!

NRaye1960 said...

This is AWESOME!!
from a straight, 60-year-old, over-weight grandmother whose life would have been much less colorful had I lived the way Sally Kern preaches!!

Anonymous said...

Very moving. Especially the end. I love twisting the knife.

Willow said...

I have read your works through PZ Myers' blog and just came across your website a few days ago. I'm a subscriber now and eager to read all you've written.

This offering put tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. The last line, especially.

Thank you.