Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Dicyemid mesozoa are not cute at all.

So P-Zed was getting all moon-eyed and silver-tongued over parasites. Parasites that live in the kidneys of cephalopods, getting their nutrients from urine, much like Sally Kern. Anyway, his love letter to these beasties is a wonderful example of the passion that scientists have for their work. Uncovering the mysteries of the natural world does not take the beauty out of it; rather, knowledge enhances our appreciation for everything in the real world. In the words of Douglas Adams (who said nearly everything better than nearly anyone else did), "I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day."  If you are one of those rare readers here who do not already read Pharyngula, I seriously recommend following the above link to see that principle in action.

But as a cuttlefish, I was a bit miffed. "Oooh, aren't they lovely!" "What an elegant illustration of evolution at work!" "Much more lovely than mere puppy dogs!" Hmph. Think of the cephalopods! Won't somebody, please, think of the cephalopods?

So that's what I was sensing! As discomfort was commencing,
Inflammation in my kidneys as I swam in the abyss
Was where parasites were feeding, and (in both their ways) were breeding,
And now Myers, metaphorically, joins in to take the piss.
A biologist, his duty is to rhapsodize their beauty
But a little sensitivity is all a 'pod can ask!
Yes, I get that it's exciting--I can see that in his writing--
Guess I only wish he didn't take such pleasure in the task.
"O dicyemid mesozoan", while inside my pain is growin'
"Let me count the ways I love you", like this parasite is heaven
Then the dude proceeds in counting, while my agony is mounting,
And he doesn't stop until he's all the way to fucking seven!

Oh, for those who wonder about these things--this one was one of the verses that might as well have been self-writing. Less than 15 minutes, and it came out in final form. I love it when that happens.


Podblack said...

*hmph!* For that, I will work harder to beat you at Scrabulous!

Oh, must enter in your limerick competition.

... I did snorfle at this bit: "getting their nutrients from urine, much like Sally Kern."


Anonymous said...

Hee. When I started to read your poem, I thought at first it was going to be based on the rhyme and meter of The Raven, but then I realized you were going somewhere else with it. Anyway, I was nonetheless inspired:

Once, upon a workday dreary I malingered tired and bleary
Over many scientific weblogs about "that" and "this."
Suddenly I read a posting that was practically boasting
Of a parasitic ghostling that makes molluscs feel amiss--
That cephálopods are hosting and that make them feel amiss--
Dicyemids? Cuttlepiss.

(Speaking of Poe, maybe the next time Jonathon Wells does something stupid, I'll finally get around to composing "The Sad Confabulation of the Wells, Wells, Wells, Wells, Wells, Wells, Wells." Unless you beat me to it, in which case, discretion, valor, and all that.)

Cath@VWXYNot? said...

Ooh, you're on Scrabulous? Can I play?

Unknown said...

How very Gilbert and Sullivan of you.

Maxwell's Demoness said...

Not a good week for the Cuttlefish. You might want to avoid cats for a while as well, in light of today's Two Lumps.

Cuttlefish said...

Jennifer-- :-ppp

Pod--hey, you won the last match!

Howard--very nice! As for Wells, if I were to do that, that would be claim-jumping, and I should fear for the noose! Wells is yours, good sir!

cae--pod and I are on opposite sides of the globe, so have odd hours on there, but if you ever see "cuttlefish" on, feel free to give me a shout!

Susan--how very charitable of you!

maxwell's demoness--I always suspected that cats were up to no good, but never expected verification in such blatant terms! *shudder*