Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I Put A Spell On You!

P-Zed reports on the Indianapolis public school system's decision to block certain websites from their school's computers. Nothing major there. But it appears (maybe it's just a grammar problem--wait, in the schools? can't be!), but it looks like one of the things they are worried about is that students would then have access to the spells and incantations used by atheists.

I couldn't find my copy of "atheist spells for dummies", and I don't trust my memory any more, but I don't seem to recall us atheist types actually having any spells or incantations in the first place.

So I wrote one.

I invoke the godless fires
In the name of P. Z. Myers
And if Satan were not fiction, I'd be using his name, too!
Poison potions in my kitchens
Are the legacy of Hitchens,
And of Dennett, Dawkins, Harris... (if you're reading this, then you!)
It's a special incantation
For the heathens in our nation
Surely Darwin grants approval from his sulphur throne in hell--
If I knew the phrase in Latin
I'd recite it, smooth as satin,
But since atheists don't do that shit, perhaps it's just as well.


Bob O'H said...

Yes, yes. But what does the spell do? Something fun, I hope.

Anonymous said...
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Bob O'H said...

Hm. Death threats. Not nice.

DC - is it time to contact the authorities? You won't be the last to be threatened, I'm sure, and the next person might be someone with a more public profile.

Cuttlefish said...


I collect them; if DM ever showed the faintest glimmer of being anything other than an impotent lunatic, I have them ready for the police. His identity and location are an open secret, too, so that much would not be difficult. The truth is, I have had far worse threats from far more credible people (seriously!)

Funny thing is, occasionally I will get email notice of a death threat like this, and by the time I get here to delete it, he already self-deleted it, then (sometimes) writes specifically to say that "although we could kill you, we won't"... and then, sometimes, those comments are self-deleted.

But he is as impotent as his god, so unless I get bored enough to want to ring up the RCMP, I have better things to be doing.

Bob O'H said...

I was also thinking that this might be a good way of getting him to treatment.

Ah well, at least I now know that the spell was a Summon Mabus. The only 1st level summon spell there is.

Joan said...

Brilliantly and pointedly funny. Of course the fact that “Atheists don’t do that shit” never seems to register with the ‘devout’.

BTW, It’s sad to see that even in absentia, D.M. is still getting press in comments. I’m guessing this wry poem must have stirred him to even greater depths of vitriol than usual. As he seems to have made it his business to rubber stamp his confusing points and plop them all over blogs I read, it’s hard to shake him.

I’m not totally convinced of his harmlessness. He obviously needs treatment and if he’s employed, I wonder how long it might be before he does something to a co-worker or workers who might offend him.