Sunday, February 14, 2010

Blame It On The Vaccines

My right hand twitches, my left hand itches,
My knees won't stay in the legs of my britches,
The man on TV says it's probably witches,
My dad says it's all in my genes.
My vision is hazy, and one eye is lazy,
The ache in my hip makes me thnk it's dysplasia,
People are looking at me like I'm crazy,
I'm blaming it all on vaccines.

My nerves are fraying, my hair is graying,
When the moon is full, I can't help baying,
My voice gives out in the middle of praying,
I'm growing allergic to beans.
My ears feel funny, my nose is runny,
My skin turns green when the weather's sunny,
My piss runs clear, but it tastes like honey,
I'm blaming it all on vaccines.

My feet are stinky, my phlegm is inky,
There's parasite worms in the joints of my pinky,
My corpus callosum is shriveled and dinky,
I'm really not sure what it means.
My liver's aching, my spleen is shaking,
The bones of my spine are all cracking and breaking,
But rather than coyly admit that I'm faking,
I'm blaming it all on vaccines.


Inspired by PZ's post on the cheerleader who developed all those bizarre symptoms shortly after her vaccination. Although her disorder made no sense physically, the antivaxxers invited her gladly... because they are never ones to let actual science get in the way of a good story.

I'd link to PZ, but my laptop died two weeks ago, and I am posting this from a coal-fired difference engine we long ago decided was obsolete. It is. I can't open pharyngula now, without the computer crashing. I am sure you can find it yourself.

Meanwhile, happy valentine's day, and thank you very much to the person who used one of my valentine poems and actually tipped!


Podblack said...

Yay and love to the people who leave tips in the jar! :D
You forgot to mention that her accent apparently is 'Australian'? I should say that as an Australian, it is the WORST effort ever and it just sounds plain East Coast US to me...

Cuttlefish said...

I haven't heard it yet, Cat. This computer predates the spoken word; If she claimed to speak in cuneiform, I might stand a chance.

ERV said...



Holytape said...

Here I was blaming it on the rain.... Don't I feel foolish.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of Sick by the late and very, very great Shel Silverstein.

Cuttlefish said...

Oh, my. Karen, an association like that is flattering indeed!

Holytape--but if you blame it on the rain, tell me, what can be gained? (name that lyric)

ERV--glad you liked it!