Friday, April 18, 2008

I Am The Very Model Of A Devious Creationist

Ok, this is what comes of being just a bit too obsessive. On this thread over at pharyngula, is copious evidence that PZ's commenters are a talented bunch! (Go ahead, look--you know you want to!) But somebody asked where I was, and long story short, my brain now hurts from putting the following together. (on the plus side... for once I don't feel guilty pointing out the tip jar. Some of it will go for aspirin...)

I am the very model of a devious creationist
I’ve made a film that’s best described as stolen-animationist
I know the use of rhetoric when facts are unavailable
To render the impossible into the unassailable

I’m very well acquainted, too, with data manufacturing
I’ll claim I stand on solid granite even as it’s fracturing
I document complexity, like when it’s irreducible…
And think my movie’s in the league of Arthur Miller’s Crucible

And think my movie’s in the league of Arthur Miller’s Crucible
And think my movie’s in the league of Arthur Miller’s Crucible
And think my movie’s in the league of Arthur Miller’s Crucible


I’m very good at lying, both the verbal and statistical—
Like Darwin in his later years, I’m openly theistical
In short, you might describe me as a mental masturbationist
I am the very model of a devious creationist

In short, you might describe him as a mental masturbationist
He is the very model of a devious creationist


My evidence, in volumes that would baffle a librarian
Is not so much orthogonal as utterly contrarian
Presented with a problem like the claw of a Deinonychus
I pause for just a moment, then it’s “Dammit, bring it on!” I cuss

My scientific colleagues have been banned from Universities
Expecting them to publish was just one of their adversities
They’ve parried the attacks of retroviruses endogenous
Maintaining all the while that Darwinians are dodgin’ us

Maintaining all the while that Darwinians are dodgin’ us
Maintaining all the while that Darwinians are dodgin’ us
Maintaining all the while that Darwinians are dodgin’ us


My evidence is solid as a fossil of triceratops
Presented with the humor of a monologue of Carrot Top’s
In short, you might describe me as a mental masturbationist
I am the very model of a devious creationist

In short, you might describe him as a mental masturbationist
He is the very model of a devious creationist


In fact, when I know what is meant by “cinemas” and “enemas”
When I can tell by sight the harmless serpent from the venomous
And claim I found the evidence in chapter one of Genesis
You’ll see, compared to Darwinists, which one of us the menace is

When I have crack’d a book on Evo-Devo or Biology
Enough to understand instead of mutter simply “Golly gee!”
And understand my argument is simply false dichotomy
You’ll say that this creationist does not deserve lobotomy

You’ll say that this creationist does not deserve lobotomy
You’ll say that this creationist does not deserve lobotomy
You’ll say that this creationist does not deserve lobotomy


For the science that I know was not updated for millennia
Not since the latest virgin birth, or genesis parthenia
But still, you might describe me as a mental masturbationist
I am the very model of a devious creationist

But still, you might describe him as a mental masturbationist
He is the very model of a devious creationist

16 comments:

Eamon Knight said...

Oh gods. You have out-done yourself. I am...speechless with awe.

Metro said...

Ditto.

Naoki Ninetails said...

I'm sorry,
I couldn't hear
that last bit over

THE SOUND OF HOW AWESOME YOU ARE

The Ridger, FCD said...

"claw of a Deinonychus" and
“Dammit, bring it on!” I cuss"

All bow before the genius of the cuttle.

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MJ Kelleher said...

I hate to repeat what others have said before. But as a lurker at Pharyngula and a Savoyard, in my opinion the only right word has already been taken.

Awesome.

yunshui said...

That.

Was.

Incredible.

*applauds until palms disintegrate*

R N B said...

Amazing. I'm was too dumbstruck even to try a Friday limerick this week.

Chuck said...

Imitation is the lamest form of flattery

Marcus said...

Well done.

Julian said...

Ohmygoodness.
Amazing!

nunatak said...

There can no longer be any remaining doubt about the mental superiority of cuttlefish.

Somebody please make a YouTube video out of this, and can I please be in the back-up chorus repeatedly singing "mental masturbationist" in harmony?

Lacy said...

*mouth agape*. Bravo. Lace

Laurie said...

Wow. I had to sing that out loud all the way through, to the consternation of my husband (because of my singing voice, not the song). BRAVISSIMO!!

Kelly Gorski said...

I can see why your head would hurt. This is a masterpiece!

www.kellygorski.com

DBB said...

Bravo! When does the show open?