Friday, March 05, 2010

I Just Love A Good Vatican Scandal!

(Channeling Mark Russell, and wishing I could channel Tom Lehrer...)

The Vatican is rocked by scandal!
No more singing Bach or Handel;
Finding men to suit demand’ll
Get you in the end!
Caught on wire as he confesses
Finding dates for men in dresses;
Hold the tape and stop the presses,
Better to attend!

What’s the problem? Prostitution;
Finding, matching, distribution,
Knowing later absolution
Wipes you free of sin!
A chorister who likes duet work
Organized a proper network
Told the gigolos they’d get work;
“When can you begin?”

With ornate bedposts, leafed with gold, and sheets of finest satin
Your tips are better, we are told, if you can moan in Latin.

He’s lost the high ground in these quarrels
No more resting on his laurels;
If the Pope should speak of morals,
We can roll our eyes.
Throughout time, since Eden’s apple,
Till the current papal grapple,
Seems the urge to fuck a chap’ll
Always get a rise!

Hat tip, PZ, of course.


Rick said...

As usual, phenomenal. Very nicely done.

Anonymous said...

Actually, you're not far from Tom Lehrer. Two more syllables in each short line, and this would scan very nicely to his "Christmas Carol".

Cuttlefish said...

Ah, thanks, starcat-jewel!

I knew I had part of a tune kicking around in my cortex, but I could not put a handle on it. Lehrer's Carol, though, provided the theme to which this was a variation!

And thank you, Rick--I am already noticing some lines that I would change, if I ever did the right thing and edited...

MosesZD said...


Drugmonkey said...

the short lines have an appended aside in Lehrer's Carol, structurally this is spot on, just need the snarky punctuation...