Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Paranoia, Grandeur, and Red Ink

PZ reports on Daylight Atheism's recent emails...

Y'know what's fun? Putting yourself into the mindset of someone who writes that sort of letter. Imagining that every time you see someone whispering in someone else's ear, they are talking about you. Imagining that a national press conference contains secret messages, if only you can decode them. Imagining that there is this vast conspiracy of competent government workers, running the world from behind the scenes, and you are the only one who sees the puppet masters at work. Imagining that the buildings you don't go into don't even have to be finished on the inside, since the outside is all you will see. Imagining that just outside of your line of sight, people are planning what will happen to you. Paranoid, yes, but delusions of paranoia go hand in hand with delusions of grandeur. How important you must be, to have discovered this plot. How important you must be, to have such a vast conspiracy attempting to fool you.

Y'know what's not fun at all? Thinking that way all the time.

Dear sir--

I am writing this, in secret, with a pen dipped in my blood--
There are mind-controlling substances in ink--
To expose the vast conspiracy, existent since the flood,
That controls the way the common people think.
I have stumbled, inadvertently, upon the subtle plan,
And I'm worried that my life may be in danger;
It's the greatest vast conspiracy in all the reign of Man,
Which is why I'm writing you, a perfect stranger.
When I tell my friends and family, they merely roll their eyes--
They are clearly in the Legion of the Beast--
And I'd never tell the Media-it doesn't fit their lies--
And the Military surely are policed.
As soon as this is posted, I will change my hiding-place;
I'll find a way to read how you condemn
And expose the Evil Legion; rip the Mask off of their Face!
Unless... Of course!... Oh, Shit!... You're one of Them!


Ray said...

And I'd never the Media-it doesn't fit their lies--

Missing word? Another great verse, though (naturally!).

It really does make one wonder what on earth is going on inside the head of such a person, and what caused it.

Cuttlefish said...


Thanks, Ray. Fixed.