Lonely Percy

Heh. So, PZ tells us about the Missing Universe Creation Museum, a cute little place that reminds us just how wrong someone can be and still claim to have a clue.

In particular, this site loves to use one particular phrase (in bold, italic, bright red letters): "If you don't believe God created all living things, male and female, in 6 days.... How many millions of years was it between the first male and the first female?" Just in case you think maybe they meant something else, their "Evolution Test" includes questions "Which evolved first, male or female?" and "How many millions of years elapsed between the first male and first female?"

In the spirit of Tim Minchin's "Tony The Fish" (click for video, or just keep reading and I'll imbed the video below), I give you the story of Percy... a very lonely young man.

Percy would wander for years at a time;
He was terribly sad and incredibly lonely—
Percy was looking for love, but too bad;
The world had, so far, evolved male creatures only.

Percy was restless, and anxiously watching,
He knew what he wanted; he wanted a wife.
(Although, since the female had not yet evolved,
He had never seen women in all of his life!)

For long generations, his forefathers sought
For some womanly tenderness, softness, and mercy,
But cold evolution denied them their wish;
Now the burden was borne by poor, motherless Percy.

From Grand-dad to Father, from Father to Son,
Generations would pass, without calling for sex.
I haven’t a clue how they managed to do it;
The method, it seems, is a little complex.

Percy has walked tens of thousands of miles
In search of a hopeful mutation or two.
You see, he has parts that he thinks may be useful,
Which haven’t, as yet, had a damned thing to do.

Far away, on the shores of a vast, distant ocean,
A small population is camped by the water,
Where all by themselves, they just sit there evolving,
Granny to Mother, and Mother to Daughter.

Someday, perhaps, as he wanders and wanders,
Percy could find, with a great deal of luck,
He may stumble upon this remote population,
And finally end up with someone to love.


Oh, and here's Tony The Fish!