Let Us Pray (No, Really, Let Us!)

Pee-Zed reports on a brilliant scheme--a company that, for a nominal fee, will take over that exhausting task of praying. That's right, they will fold their hands and do nothing at all, so you don't have to! $3.95 a month for the basic service, or $9.95 for 5 prayers a day! All the awesome power of prayer, harnessed for about the price of your cup of designer coffee. For those people too lazy to sit quietly and murmur.


This service saves your precious time
It might be right for you--
If sitting, doing nothing
Is a bit too much to do.

It used to be that what we did
To make believe we care
Is clasp our hands together,
Doing nothing (call it "prayer")

But if your life is hectic, and
You want more time alone
We'll do the nothing for you,
If you'll just pick up the phone!

When sitting on your ass is getting
Boring, dull, or hard--
It's just three-ninety-five a month
Come on--pull out that card!

If you think it's still too much for you
We know just how you feel--
Too lazy to pick up the phone?
We've got another deal!

We're sending people door to door
So you can stay in bed--
No need to find your credit card
They'll take your cash instead.

We know you wouldn't call the cops
Or use some pepper spray--
Hell, if you believed in action,
You'd do more than fucking pray!