Friday, June 19, 2009

The Digital Pack-Rat, Volume 18

A bit of a departure, at first--although they do show up on a Pharyngula thread, this was originally posted on Eric Hovind's creationist blog! Eric had posted, with his approval, a racist piece of crap poem, lacking in rhyme, meter, meaning, and any shred of human decency. But for some reason, Eric liked it. After an early comment corrected the flawed statistics touted in the verse, Eric admitted the stats were wrong, but reaffirmed that he liked the poem itself.
I find out that the stats are wrong
But still I gonna sing this song;
My skull so thick, my bone so dense
It will not let in evidence.

If something fits my point of view
It doesn't matter if it's true;
I'll let it in, and keep it in,
Cos telling lies is no great sin.

And if I'm told that it's a lie,
With evidence I can't deny,
I'll keep the lie that fits my views--
Thank God I have the right to choose!

America is great, because
My lie's protected by our laws!
The First Amendment still applies
To ignoranti spreading lies!

A perusal of some of Eric's other posts led to this little quatrain:
No matter how hard Eric tries,
It's all mistakes. Well, some are lies.
Misrepresenting for his cause,
Young Hovind puts the "F" in "laws".

From a single idiot to a small group of idiots--several members of Congress, based on their own individual experience with alternative medicine, have managed to give hundreds of millions of dollars to support it--despite its lack of actual empirical support:
I know my treatment works, and hence
I have no need of evidence;
It does not matter what the facts is--
This is how I'll spend your taxes.

A little double-dactyl about PZ's being named Humanist of the Year (and being given a ton of cephalopodian gifts to boot!):
Booty-ful, cutie-ful,
Thanks to the Humanists--
They'd reconsider, if
Only they knew

Evidence seen in his
Tells us that Humans are
Ranked number two!

A very sad thread on Pharyngula reported on the death of a kitten--burned to death in an oven as a "joke". One commenter suggested that we should not, logically, care so much about the kitten, since it is merely taking advantage of our evolved fondness for baby-like features. Evolution forced me to respond:
There's little or nothing that isn't emotion
In thoughts that we claim are a logical stream;
It's not as if science has bottled a potion
That separates things from the way that they seem.
The kitten has hijacked my baby-detector,
Making me care when I maybe should not;
So what? Is that reason to cruelly reject her?
To not give a fuck if she's cooked or she's shot?
All humans are products of natural selection--
We are what we are, and we do what we do
We're fooled into thinking that cats need protection;
The kitten has forced me to tell you "fuck you!"

And noted that the recognition of something as the product of evolution does not mean that we can, for that reason, dismiss it:
We may note with some confusion
That this empathy illusion
Makes us feel a certain feeling, and decide that we won't play.
We may feel it holds us captive
But remember, it's adaptive,
So dismiss it at your peril, cos it got us to today.
I don't think I have to mention
We're unique in comprehension
But that does not make us logical, no matter what we hope;
We are animals--with passion
And with reason, each in ration,
We may think ourselves a genius, when we're really just a dope.

On murder by "pro-life" people:
And black is white, and up is down,
And hate, it seems, is love
So long as you can claim it's done
In God's name, from above
And wrong is right and bad is good
Let's re-write all the laws
To justify a homicide
If Jesus is the cause

And a comment on a metaphysical course of study...
Of Science, Metaphysical, you now have your Degree--
It's a quality diploma (you can keep the crayons for free!)
Just a couple thousand dollars, and it's more than worth the fee
(Which is why we recommend that you invest in two or three)

It's important to remember, on the chance you disagree,
That we never ever ever give a cash-back guarantee.

Lastly, from Orac's stomping grounds, on the discovery that some homeopathic preparations actually, contrary to homeopathic teachings, have some real ingredients in them! Sadly, these actual ingredients are causing people who use them to lose their sense of smell! Actual homeopathy would be safer--after all, it does nothing at all!
Is it Zinc or is it water
That you're giving to your daughter?
If it's water, then it's safer, cos it doesn't do a thing.
Insufficiently diluting,
Which is what they're now disputing,
Means the "remedy"'s no longer pure as crystal mountain spring.
I had thought that the expedience
Of having no ingredients
Was what they found attractive (and it's cost-effective, too!)
But now noticeable fractions
Of a drug produce reactions
Time to circle up the lawyers and aver that it's not you!

1 comment:

CyberLizard said...

Genius, thy name is Cuttlefish!