Friday, March 21, 2008

The Trojan Myers

When reinventing history
It’s best to keep the mystery;
If witnesses are noticed, it is best to take them out.
And although the act is telling,
You’d be better off expelling
Doctor Myers, if you see him, just because the man’s a lout.
You see, PZ is a witness
To the movie’s lack of fitness—
He is one selection pressure that would render it extinct.
So, with “WANTED!” posters printed,
To the cinema they sprinted,
And they passed around the mugshots just as soon as they were inked.
The policemen, at the ready,
Kept the ticket-takers steady
While they watched with eyes like eagles for the devil in disguise.
Yes! They spotted Dr. Myers,
Looking just like in their fliers!
The policemen, quite correctly, gave the doctor a surprise.
When they said he’d be arrested
If their actions he protested,
He complied at once (that should have raised suspicions, don’t you think?)
Once his actions had been thwarted
And he left the line, escorted,
Looking back to his companion in the line, he gave a wink….
So this little movie trip is
Like a Trojan Eohippus
That delivered Richard Dawkins deep within the fortress walls
I can’t wait to read the story
Of the battle and the glory—
Cos the trailer to this feature shows the hero’s got some balls!


Of course, inspired by these events on Pharyngula, and probably all over the web by now...


***update***

Since I am now being linked to by Brian at Laelaps, I figure I'll add the following bonus material...

In the intervening hours
Since the movie, all the powers
Of the two opposing sides have set their weaponry on "spin";
In a textbook case of framing,
The producers now are claiming
That of course they noticed Dawkins, and they gladly let him in!
They'd have done the same for PZ,
But he did not make it easy--
As the testimony given by one local witness claims;
As he tells it, Dr. Myers,
Drinking blood and breathing fires,
Was disruptive and obnoxious, playing atheistic games!
Now more stories are diverging
And it's clear they need no urging
To elaborate on fictions in the service of their lies;
We may yet see more mutation
As the story sweeps the nation;
That a fable keeps evolving, well, it's really no surprise.

12 comments:

makita said...

So how come it took you a full 488 comments before coming up with this? I've been sitting here hitting "refresh" all night, waiting for you. Now I can finally go to bed!

Cuttlefish said...

Sorry--it was up past 321 before I even read it! I don't think any thread has moved that fast!

DaveX said...

I was waiting for your poem as well-- the bit about a Trojan Eohippus is WONDERFUL. I feel like a total geek being able to keep up with that one, haha!

pod said...

You're wonderful.

Naoki Ninetails said...

I agree with pod... you are wonderful, absolutely awesome.

Matt said...

That is sublime. I salute you and your eloquence!

Blake Stacey said...

"Trojan Eohippus" is the second-funniest thing I've read today, the first, of course, being P-Zed's post itself.

AMB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
makita said...

This is great!
Even if it was somewhat late
I'm glad that when you took the bait
The resulting poem was worth the wait

Humanistic Jones said...

Genius again from the great cephalopod of the verse. I myself am awaiting Dawkin's account of the affair. What's become even more humorous about this is the lying that's been done today in an attempt by the creators of Expelled to make themselves look better for this.

Kristjan Wager said...

I'm impressed cuttlefish - this is even better than your normal brilliant stuff.

Have been laughing all day because of PZ's story.

monado said...

Cuttlefish, this is wonderful! I have queued up a post about it which should appear at 12:15 tomorrow as part of my continuous trickle of blog posts. I used a reduced-resolution image of your lovely portrait.