Saturday, October 02, 2010

A New Verse Form? (and a guest verse!)

From commenter "Thinker":

If you find the stuff in the bible reliable,
and you trust the clerics: “It’s all we can know!”
If you in your pew with your missus think bliss is
sitting still, never moving, then how will you grow?
You’re proud you’ve accepted, not doubted, what’s touted:
that Truth is eternal and never will change
while we find the iconoclastic fantastic
and your static worldview as something quite strange.

If Old Truth is wrong, well, let’s face it: replace it
with models that fit data better – no sweat!
To us, it’s a quest never-ending: ascending
the shoulders of giants, to see further yet.
If you cannot see what is grand in expandin’
the body of knowledge we humans can share
and, frankly, if you think exploring is boring
as Hell, then in our view, you’re already there!

For those of you who have been paying attention, this is the same form as one I have used three times before--here, here, and here.

It is great fun coming up with the internal rhymes, and it makes me very happy that at least one other person has been enticed into trying the same form!

Now, the thing is, I can't recall another poem like this--but I am not well-versed (pun, unfortunately, intended) in the various forms rhyme and meter can take. Have you seen such an animal before? Or do I get naming rights? (In which case, I am taking suggestions for names--just one so far, so I want more!)


Rhacodactylus said...

I like it, I have always had an interest in this kind of thing but virtually no skill at it =)


Jeff said...

Similar to many 'rap' rhyme schemes, isn't it?

Thinker said...

*blushes with poorly concealed pride*

Thanks, Cuttlefish!

It's a really fun form to work with, and I found it surprisingly easy to write in. I also like the rhythm it drives -- Jeff certainly has a point with the comparison to some rap.

It would be great if we could find a name for it, either an existing one or something new!

Pierce R. Butler said...

Cole Porter used to do the internal-rhyme, all the time:

I was still the mild, money-wild type of child that's styled "commuter," ...

Do do that voodoo that you do so well ...

- but he kept the rhymes completely internal (how infernal), not interlinear.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to rain on your parade, but:

Oh, hello Mr. Soul, I dropped by to pick up a reason
For the thought that I caught that my head is the event of the season
Why in crowds just a trace of my face
could seem so pleasin'
I'll cop out to the change, but a stranger is putting the tease on.

I was down on a frown when the messenger
brought me a letter
I was raised by the praise of a fan
who said I upset her
Any girl in the world could have easily
known me better
She said, You're strange, but don't change, and I let her.

In a while will the smile on my face
turn to plaster?
Stick around while the clown who is sick
does the trick of disaster
For the race of my head and my face is moving much faster
Is it strange I should change?
I don't know, why don't you ask her?


Cuttlefish said...

Doesn't bother me a bit, Anonymous SQB--that is a completely different form.

Beige said...

I'd just like to say - I love your cuttlework. :) It always puts a smile on my face.

Tsu Dho Nimh said...

Internal rhyming for poetry is very common in Spanish, but I don't remember what they call it.

I like it because it gives a little stutter-step in what would be doggerel (not that I don't appreciate doggerel).

Joan said...

Locating this meter’s frustrating. I’m hating
That I can’t come up with it quickly on line.
If it is from rap though, that’s no go
Cause I couldn’t quote you one rap stanza rhyme.
Can’t do the rap thing. It may swing
But my songs are dated from some other time.
Still I’m digging your stuff. It’s not fluff,
Between content and rhythm it truly is prime.

Anonymous said...

I see how I was wrong about Young,
but there still is a kernel
Of truth in the quote that I wrote
Since his rhyme too is internal.


SQB said...

Mental note to self: look before you click and choose one radio button higher up.

Cuttlefish said...

Agreed, indeed, anonymous
It's close, but not there quite
I've looked in books and websites, but
it's hidden from my sight.
I try to spy the features which
are different or the same
But must adjust my attitude
And claim it's just a game.

(For those who like *lots* of internal rhymes, my poor attempt at a rappish verse is here: )

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