Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Who Is To Blame (For Catholic Scandal)?

There is far, far too much scandal
At the Vatican these days
Since it cannot be the Church’s fault
Let’s try to blame the gays!
With their sinful choice of lifestyle
And their flaunting of God’s creed,
If we have to point the finger
They’re a likely cause indeed!

There is much too much at stake here—
Far too much that we could lose—
So to keep our asses covered
We should also blame the Jews!
They have constantly conspired to
Bring a downfall to the Church:
If you want to find a smoking gun,
The Jews are who to search!

There is blame enough to go around
(As if you couldn’t tell),
I think it prudent we should blame
The atheists as well!
They have no moral compass
But they want to write the laws—
A secular society
Must clearly be the cause!

It’s hardly worth our mention,
Yet another group to name,
But you cannot help but notice
There’s the media to blame!
The reporters keep on digging,
Though they’re covered up in dirt—
Such a filthy occupation;
Think of all the priests they’ve hurt!

There’s one more group deserving blame;
They’re making lots of noise,
And claiming to be victims, too—
I mean, of course, the boys!
Their baseless accusations are
But acts of desperation;
They, too, should shoulder guilt
For leading priests into temptation!

So many guilty parties,
Waging war against the Pope—
One fact alone sustains us
And allows us still to hope:
One group alone is blameless—
There is nothing to discuss—
No matter where we’re finding fault
It won’t be found in us!


The sad thing, of course, is that each of these groups *have* been named, by one or another apologist, as the true culprits to blame for the scandals.


icromwell said...

Hilarious. So terribly, depressingly hilarious.

Spidergrackle said...

Spot on, as always, CF.

Tigger_the_Wing said...

Brilliant, like all your writing.

Sad that it is true.

(One minor quibble - I believe that you meant 'flouting' where you wrote 'flaunting').

Cuttlefish said...


You may be amused by the commentary here: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/flaunt

I agree, flouting works, but flaunting is considered acceptable, with the added benefit of the double meaning--in this case, the ambiguity as to whether the Vatican (read: whole bunch of men living together) creed is for or against men living together.

Tigger_the_Wing said...

I am indeed amused. It seems that, yet again, US English is diverging from the English spoken in the rest of the world. No wonder there is so much confusion! A bit like 'billion' (even in the USA, that was 'one million million' until very recently).

Die Anyway said...

You capture it so well. Damn I wish I could write like that.
I can't though, so good thing you're around to do it.
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Lovely work. Horrifically, hilariously apt.

Anonymous said...

I wish I had more time to respond, but I have finals to attend to first. So don't worry, that wasn't my first and last comment, Cuttlefish. However, I do agree with you about who is actually responsible in the end.

Unknown said...

Fantastic! Both technically sound, and an excoriation of the Catholic Church. I guess the thing about having a complete blindside on issues surrounding sex and reproduction is that you can't SEE the contradictions inherent in your position.

I used to think the Catholic Church was just outmoded, and would gradually decline under mountains of the piffle it purveys. Now I realise it is evil, and needs to be stopped.