Thursday, May 28, 2009

Cute, Cute, Cutie

In the latest Telemundo Soap Opera, Father Alberto Cutie (KOO'-tee-ay, the papers helpfully add) has left the Catholic Church, choosing the brunette on the beach over the one on the cross. Sadly, although he clearly sees that the arbitrary rules are... well, arbitrary, and is in a position to see through the whole charade, he has instead simply chosen to join the Episcopal Church. (I am reminded of a friend who thought switching to filtered cigarettes from unfiltered was pretty much the same thing as quitting smoking altogether.)

The tale of Padre Cutie—
Who found himself a beauty, a
Brunette with whom he frolicked and cavorted on the beach—
Pitted god against temptation,
And the latest revelation?
As in Eden with the apple, God now loses to a peach.

It’s rarely for the hell of it
You choose a path that’s celibate—
We must assume the Padre was committed to his life—
But to love and serve God only
Leaves a man a little lonely
And Alberto can’t be faulted if he wants to take a wife.

But the men in hats and dresses,
Those who judge what he confesses,
Say the rules are very clear against the marrying of priests
If the good Miami Padre
Is to join their little cadre
He must hold himself to standards much, much higher than the beasts’.

So he thought, and asked, and prayed:
“Should I serve God? Or else get laid?”
(From the atheist perspective, what a silly thing to ask!)
And he said “Oh, God who made me,
If I cannot play, then trade me!
I’ll no longer hide my feelings, with my vestments as my mask!”

Having looked behind the curtain
He, of all men, should be certain
Any organized religion is, at best, a silly scheme;
To the Catholics, he’s alien,
He’s now Episcopalian
He knows the game is silly, he just chose another team.

Oh--I added a poll (over there, on the right), to test whether PZ's pavlovian conditioning is complete. The poll is utterly without point (it is, after all, about intelligent design), but will he be able to resist? It is an empirical question...

Oh, Oh! I forgot... I got an email a day or so ago, informing me that my book is now available from! The email said that my book had "been selected"--I suspect the same sort of selection that gets sweepstakes entries sent to my house, but what do I know? Anyway, take a look on Amazon for it, and if you are moved to, write something nice, or whatever it is that people do on Amazon. At least in theory, this opens me up to a much wider audience, although I am not exactly sure how.


george.w said...

Wow! Great to see a new poem from the Cuttlefish. :-)

Unknown said...

Glad to have you back! Looks like "Hey, nonny nonny" is going to win. I added a poll to my blog the other day as well. It just asked if online polls are accurate.

Podblack said...

Oh, review on Amazon is now in! :) Strongly suggest people pop in some comments there if they have a book! :)

Cath@VWXYNot? said...

Great to have you back!