The Ballad Of The Undecided Voter

The Undecided Voter is a celebrity these days. I would have thought that UV's would be a popular Hallowe'en costume, except that to do it properly one would have to spend all one's time in the middle of the street, unable to commit to North or South, East or West, eventually being run over by some hockey mom in a minivan, driving half a dozen children to the generous neighborhood where they give out the full-sized snickers bars.

How on earth is someone still undecided? I suspect that it is not a matter of being unable to decide. Rather, everyone courts the undecided voter; the minute you decide, the reporter moves on to the next undecided. By Wednesday, though, UV's will be every bit as common as the rest of us. I can't wait.


There was a voter, undecided,
Though I cannot fathom why;
Perhaps a faulty compass guided
Him, as days and weeks flew by.
Friends would prod, and neighbors chided
“Such an indecisive guy!”
With rapt attention undivided
All would roll their eyes and sigh.
The networks parked where he resided
(Never was he camera-shy)
The interviews that he provided
Kept the ratings climbing high.

Today, as news-mobiles collided
In his yard, I caught his eye:
“If I decide”, the man confided,
“All these cameras say good-bye!”