Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Congress(7)woman Bachman

A forefather-fetish gets Bachman all wettish,
And frightfully warm in her bloomers
She’s all hot and bothered and “ooh, founding father”ed;
She wants to dispel all the rumors
That the founders she craves were the type to own slaves
And to hold fellow humans in chains
In defense of her crushes her brain turns to mush,
As it quite understandably strains
In this instance we find that love truly is blind
And she really believes what she’s sighing
But when push comes to shove, though it may be true love,
The other true thing is—she’s lying.

By now you have likely seen Congresswoman Michelle Bachman's Tea Party reaction to the State of the Union Address. And probably some of the reaction to her brand of revisionist history. If not, the couple of videos here will get you up to speed.

I think I have the whole thing figured out. Bachman has a crush on the founding fathers. She's got a journal somewhere where she has written "Michelle Adams", "Michelle Madison", "Michelle Jefferson" and "Michelle Washington" over and over and over... you can tell she gets excited by the way her quill pen sometimes runs out of ink when she forgets to re-dip it, and the exquisitely curled script becomes illegible. I suspect she ran for Congress when she saw definition 7 while looking for definition 1:

1 comment:

Melissa said...

I used to hope people like Bachman were social poes, too deranged to be real. However, I've had one too many conversations with neighbors that cite people like Bachman as accurate sources. It scares the hell out of me. It'd be nice if people had to pass a critical thinking skills test to run for office.