Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Oh, wait...

Pharyngula reports on an opinion poll from Britain, revealing widespread belief that god is, in fact, male.  From the Lancashire Evening Post article:
A majority of people think God is male with nearly half of the population in Britain believing that all religions discriminate on grounds of gender.
Only 1% of people think of God as female, with 62% considering God to be male, the online survey conducted earlier this month of 1,050 adults in Britain found.

It certainly seems clear to me that somebody was made in somebody's image.

My God is pretty self-assured, and quite convinced He’s right.
He made me in His image, so He’s green-eyed, blond, and white;
And He’s very, very wrathful with the folks who disagree;
He’ll hold a grudge for centuries—Oh, wait—that might be me.

He’s insecure enough to want to hear how much you love Him
And He never will forgive you if there’s someone else above Him;
He’ll jealously react to any threat to His domain
By smiting all His enemies—Oh, wait—that’s me again.

He’ll make the world a better place for those who think like Him
For those in opposition, well, the situation’s grim;
He’ll call jihad, or else crusade—some form of Holy War
Because He knows He’s always right—Oh, wait—that’s me once more.

He’s handsome, bearded, steely-eyed, deep-voiced and somewhat haughty
So wonderful, his naughty bits are never seen as naughty
But perfectly proportioned, grand and firm and never shrinking,
A miracle of awesomeness—Oh, wait—that’s wishful thinking.


Spidergrackle said...

Outstanding, as always!

Anonymous said...

This is a fine moment in Cuttlefish history.

Stephen said...

I'm a sucker for self deprecating humor. My favorite phrase:

I hate bigots.

Metro said...


When I was a child, I read a story of an intrepid settler negotiating with a fierce band of warlike Indians (hey, it was a 4th-grade reader, probably published in 1955 or so).

One of the Indians says the settlers must be driven out, it is the will of Onito (Sp?).

He had a villainous squint. Silas stabbed a finger at him:
"See? He looks both ways and sees only his nose, and THAT he calls Onito!"

The attitudes of most religionists seem to be similar.

Our religious beliefs create prejudices, which reinforce our beliefs, which reinforce our prejudices ...

Anonymous said...

Love that last stanza. I lol'd at work. XD

Anonymous said...

You going to put this in for the Skeptics' Circle? Or the next Carnival of the Godless? :)

Unknown said...

So funny ... and, sadly, so true!

Keep stickin' it to "the man!"

Amadan said...

A paradox, it seems to me, is that we don’t ask why
The Devil’s gene’s are not XX but said to XY.
Almighty God has made it clear in His choice of our saviour
That having dangly gonads is what tends to find his favour.
But womankind, accurs’d since Eve made Adam vegetarian,
The Bible shows to be malign, hormonal and contrarian.
But maybe we should listen to what all the preachers say –
If same-sex love is Satan’s work, perhaps the Devil’s gay!
Though when you think it through you’ll find you’ll have to ask “But then,
“How should your flock interpret God’s clear preference for men”?