Please Jesus, Leave Me Alone!

There is a sign on the highway in Pennsylvania (actually, there are several of these): "Buckle Up--Next Million Miles". I thought it was a cute use of hyperbole at first; countless hours later, I realized that it was merely truth in advertising. Pennsylvania is now, officially, wider than Alaska. Or perhaps it just seems that way when you are driving your daughter off to college.

I can write verses about god, about nature, about science, about the end of the world... you know, the trivial stuff. I can't write verse about something as meaningful as sending Cuttledaughter out into The World. That is much too big. And yes, I cried. And yes, she is too far away to drive home for visits, or maybe even Thanksgiving. And I don't have a webcam on my laptop, so I can't do the video chat thing... Yeah, I know, such problems. I am a very lucky dad, I am well aware, and she is doing great and will continue to do great. But man, a little more money would make a huge difference right now. (Academia, but not tenured or even tenure-track, so you can do the math--it's all small numbers, so it's easy.) Anyway, if I start emphasizing the tip jar more, or the new book (no, not quite there yet, but soon!), I hope you will understand.

But Pennsylvania. I guess I am spoiled living where I do, because I actually get a number of worthwhile radio stations. There are long stretches of the Keystone State where you have the choice of FM religious stations, or AM conservative talk stations. I used to be able to listen to these things for entertainment, but they ceased being funny when I realized that my in-laws actually get their "news" from the latter, and my cousins get their beliefs from the former.

So I wrote a song about it. Initially, it was a gospel song, and it still is. But as I continued to drive through the state, a few more stations popped up. Every single one of them... modern country music. Just shoot me. So now, when I sing this to myself, it has pedal steel guitar all through it... *shudder*.

Enjoy.

Driving along, with my radio scanning for stations
Hours drag by, and I’m practically ready to burst
Mountains close in, which can only increase my frustration
A station or two, and I cannot decide which is worse

One has a talk show, which tells me the Devil’s Obama
One has a preacher, who tells me I’m going to hell
The first is an ass, who can only get ratings from drama
The second believes it, and Jesus believes it as well

Oh, Jesus, I hear you
All over the dial
Oh, Jesus, I’m near you
For mile after mile
Please, Jesus, I beg you
On your holy throne
Please Jesus, I beg you
Leave me the Hell alone

Leave me alone (leave me alone)
Leave me alone (leave me alone)
I’m happy today, happy to stay,
Here on my own (leave me alone)
Please tell your disciples (please stay away)
In the no-passing zone (please stay away)
They’re no longer needed, Please Jesus, I pleaded,
Please leave me alone (leave me alone)

Stations keep fading, there’s only a handful with power
To broadcast through mountains, it’s more than most folks can afford
When telling a story, you need to talk hour after hour
And that kind of money, it only can come from the Lord

Oh, Jesus, I hear you
All over the dial
Oh, Jesus, I’m near you
For mile after mile
Please, Jesus, I beg you
On your holy throne
Please Jesus, I beg you
Leave me the Hell alone

Leave me alone (leave me alone)
Leave me alone (leave me alone)
I’m happy today, happy to stay,
Here on my own (leave me alone)
Please tell your disciples (please stay away)
In the no-passing zone (please stay away)
They’re no longer needed, Please Jesus, I pleaded,
Please leave me alone (leave me alone)

Driving along, while my radio frantically searches
More static than signal, the fault of the mountains and hills
Not many schools, but I sure see a shitload of churches
It matches my radio dial, and gives me the chills

Oh, Jesus, I hear you
All over the dial
Oh, Jesus, I’m near you
For mile after mile
Please, Jesus, I beg you
On your holy throne
Please Jesus, I beg you
Leave me the Hell alone

Leave me alone (leave me alone)
Leave me alone (leave me alone)
I’m happy today, happy to stay,
Here on my own (leave me alone)
Please tell your disciples (please stay away)
In the no-passing zone (please stay away)
They’re no longer needed, Please Jesus, I pleaded,
Please leave me alone (leave me alone)

Oh, Jesus, I hear you
All over the dial
Oh, Jesus, I’m near you
For mile after mile
Please, Jesus, I beg you
On your holy throne
Please Jesus, I beg you
Leave me the Hell alone